either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize