you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I had to cum in my sink.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
