How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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