Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
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Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
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let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize