just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
