tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You took a bar mat shot.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
