Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
