I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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