On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
