so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Randomize
