He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
