yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
