I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize