Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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