i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize