I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
