Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
