i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
