Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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