the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
