my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
third nipple confirmed
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
