I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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