Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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