exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I have fence marks all over my body
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
