You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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