and you said cock pushups were impossible
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
