So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
There r osticjed everywhere
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
