we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
