Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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