I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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