Betty ford says i'm here all night
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Randomize
