we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
