i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
