BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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