how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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