it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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