Whod you bang
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
high people should be assigned attendants
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
