had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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