woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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