I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
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I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
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i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
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