party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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