I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
