ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
