perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
