omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
