My friends, they love my intelligence
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
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