Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
