You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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