i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
