come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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