If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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