And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
