i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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