I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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