She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
