she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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