Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
