zippers are such a cool invention
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
