This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
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I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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