And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
