Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
