I don't think brook has ever known best
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
