the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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