Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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