My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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