after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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