I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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