dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
