i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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