It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
