The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
home. puking in laundry basket.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize