Dual....:-)
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
