What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
