woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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