what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
