so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
