After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
